MISERY.
just came back from a rather long and superrrr HOT day of work..
it's always good to go home after work..even the air in the atmosphere smells and feels different..
came home and online..as usual..clear up emails..play fb..and now got chance to really pen my thoughts down into something comfortable.. :)
hmmm..
work was okays..was unusually quiet today..just felt that too many new people came in..
no time and no chance to talk to them also..kinda felt abit left out since the older ones which i always talk to, talks to the new people now..
sometimes really felt that i cannot clique with alot of people..
oh well..
like i always say to cheryl, be INDEPENDANT..
i don want to be like a tortoise, always have to carry a shell behind and walk..
must learn to be like an eagle, can fly freely, and can spot and catches their own prey fast.
yeaps..
so today's work was quiet all the way..
Eng knew i was kinda quiet today..so he brought Luke to my tower to accompany me..
although he nv says, but i really think that he take cares of me alot..
he knows people inside out..so im really grateful that he steps in my life to give me so much learning experience and stretch my knowledge about how this world can really be..
it's always good to go home after work..even the air in the atmosphere smells and feels different..
came home and online..as usual..clear up emails..play fb..and now got chance to really pen my thoughts down into something comfortable.. :)
hmmm..
work was okays..was unusually quiet today..just felt that too many new people came in..
no time and no chance to talk to them also..kinda felt abit left out since the older ones which i always talk to, talks to the new people now..
sometimes really felt that i cannot clique with alot of people..
oh well..
like i always say to cheryl, be INDEPENDANT..
i don want to be like a tortoise, always have to carry a shell behind and walk..
must learn to be like an eagle, can fly freely, and can spot and catches their own prey fast.
yeaps..
so today's work was quiet all the way..
Eng knew i was kinda quiet today..so he brought Luke to my tower to accompany me..
although he nv says, but i really think that he take cares of me alot..
he knows people inside out..so im really grateful that he steps in my life to give me so much learning experience and stretch my knowledge about how this world can really be..
REALISTIC IS THE WORD.
well..
shouldn't talk much on that issue..since it's a long one and im not interested to talk about right now..
my parents sold off my current flat last last thursday..
its a confirm thing if im not wrong..
so our current plan was to move to Lorong Ah Soo..its right opp Paya Lebar Methodist School..
kinda familiar with the place since we used to stay there before we move to serangoon (current house), and my sec school is nearby also..
now we have to move back.. -.-''
hmmm..no objections for me of course..
initially i thought it was a good thing for my parents and for the whole family..
but when things are getting more REAL in a sense that it's gonna happen (since my parents always say about moving house but didn't do anything), my brother gave quite a strong objection when my parents initially suggests the idea to him..
mind you, it's just a SUGGESTION..and he flared up..
quarrels after quarrels almost every night..left me quiet and thinking alone in my room..
how to help in the situation?
like any typical chinese family, they will stereotype that 'the youngest has the LEAST stand in the house', so how can i help?
every night quarrel and quarrel and quarrel..
i just listen at one corner..feeling why this family is so negative now?
parents backslided so many years, don't even have the initiative to really go back to God.
brother's on and off in his church..
that's the reason why i always listen to my parents..to really let them know that i'm still following God's footstep strongly and really want to be their mini role model in this situation..
but i dun think they bother anyways..
imagine your family every night at around 11pm-12am quarrel so damn loud as if the walls are sound-proof, how do you feel?
imagine after every quarrel, your mum cries, how do you feel?
imagine your mum was looking at those old photos and say that we were so cute when we were young, and started weeping in tears when she says that what happens when we all grown up, how do you feel?
it's so heartwrenching to see my mum like that..
she's the person i respected most..and not my dad..seriously..
sigh..
so this is what's happening to my family now..
my family has been so 'encouraging' these few weeks really makes me a weaker person in terms of spiritually and mentally.
my relationship with dearest hasn't been good also.
i just dunno why, but it seems that i can't do things right when i'm with her..
will just make her unhappy and everything..in the end everyone just ended off badly..
i just felt so lousy..
in the end i cannot take it and just really broke down infront of dearest yesterday during the bus trip home..
i felt the overwhelming misery in my heart, in my mind..
i just duno what to do and how to do it..
but God has been so faithful that it really makes me weep during the praise and worship yesterday..
He is always so patient and caring for me..
even though everything seems so bad, His light shine so brightly..
imagine a light bulb lights up in a total black room..
He's the hope i've got..
im starting to get so dependant on Him..which is good..
but after all this crappings..
i still feel so lucky..
the people in Haiti was so poor thing..an unexpected earthquake just came and crushes everyone's heart..
those people that hearts are broken have 2 kinds :
1. people who are dead
2. people who survive
either ways, their hearts are crushed.
felt so much compassion for them.
i'm gonna move more to the compassion side.imagine you really put a smile on their face. it's enough alr.
thats all.
shouldn't talk much on that issue..since it's a long one and im not interested to talk about right now..
my parents sold off my current flat last last thursday..
its a confirm thing if im not wrong..
so our current plan was to move to Lorong Ah Soo..its right opp Paya Lebar Methodist School..
kinda familiar with the place since we used to stay there before we move to serangoon (current house), and my sec school is nearby also..
now we have to move back.. -.-''
hmmm..no objections for me of course..
initially i thought it was a good thing for my parents and for the whole family..
but when things are getting more REAL in a sense that it's gonna happen (since my parents always say about moving house but didn't do anything), my brother gave quite a strong objection when my parents initially suggests the idea to him..
mind you, it's just a SUGGESTION..and he flared up..
quarrels after quarrels almost every night..left me quiet and thinking alone in my room..
how to help in the situation?
like any typical chinese family, they will stereotype that 'the youngest has the LEAST stand in the house', so how can i help?
every night quarrel and quarrel and quarrel..
i just listen at one corner..feeling why this family is so negative now?
parents backslided so many years, don't even have the initiative to really go back to God.
brother's on and off in his church..
that's the reason why i always listen to my parents..to really let them know that i'm still following God's footstep strongly and really want to be their mini role model in this situation..
but i dun think they bother anyways..
imagine your family every night at around 11pm-12am quarrel so damn loud as if the walls are sound-proof, how do you feel?
imagine after every quarrel, your mum cries, how do you feel?
imagine your mum was looking at those old photos and say that we were so cute when we were young, and started weeping in tears when she says that what happens when we all grown up, how do you feel?
it's so heartwrenching to see my mum like that..
she's the person i respected most..and not my dad..seriously..
sigh..
so this is what's happening to my family now..
my family has been so 'encouraging' these few weeks really makes me a weaker person in terms of spiritually and mentally.
my relationship with dearest hasn't been good also.
i just dunno why, but it seems that i can't do things right when i'm with her..
will just make her unhappy and everything..in the end everyone just ended off badly..
i just felt so lousy..
in the end i cannot take it and just really broke down infront of dearest yesterday during the bus trip home..
i felt the overwhelming misery in my heart, in my mind..
i just duno what to do and how to do it..
but God has been so faithful that it really makes me weep during the praise and worship yesterday..
He is always so patient and caring for me..
even though everything seems so bad, His light shine so brightly..
imagine a light bulb lights up in a total black room..
He's the hope i've got..
im starting to get so dependant on Him..which is good..
but after all this crappings..
i still feel so lucky..
the people in Haiti was so poor thing..an unexpected earthquake just came and crushes everyone's heart..
those people that hearts are broken have 2 kinds :
1. people who are dead
2. people who survive
either ways, their hearts are crushed.
felt so much compassion for them.
i'm gonna move more to the compassion side.imagine you really put a smile on their face. it's enough alr.
thats all.
