Love you, Love me.

my week is getting more and more bored la..

sch, sch and more sch...sianed..somemore this semester no holiday at ALLL! not even national day luh..9th Aug falls on a sat..wth..i reeli wish to have the term break la..faster come..so that i can go back to work la..sometimes working reeli is a good place to be u know..as in..when im sitting up there on the lifeguard tower..makes me reflect to myself la..and the things around me..i find it a valuable time there to reflect la..make me a better person..hope so..?
people have to grow up..i've just grown 1 yr old last tues..wads more to come? im 17 this year onli..i wana be more independant..everytime got this kind of thinking..like wana have my own house etc etc..but IM NOT working towards it! as in..save money and stuff..i dunno why..but saving money is not a kind of thing i will do it ever since im young..even my mother said that..but..i've been trying very hard to save up too..

well..17 this year..a few more years going NS alr..bird, des, kenneth they all going in NS earlier cux they took private..well..after my NS..continue degree? no plans eh..now i felt like im in the middle of the jungle..with a spoil compass and torn map..how? wait and die?
so so confused..alot of things are running thru my mind la..things are getting more and more confusing for me..i scared i might jump back to wad happen last time after the last broke up wif her..i fucking hell emo for like 5 months? i dun wan this..reeli dun wan this..it is not good at all being an emotional person..but i reeli cared about how people feel! i cared for their feelings more than mine! in the end everytime i got hurt so deeply..one good example is my previous 1-year relationship luh..man..i've put every damn thing into this relationship..but in the end? still my fault..for not understanding her..cannot give her what she nids..yeah luh..in the end..this is how we broke up..i seriously didnt feel that she is giving me a chance to change myself..but she say she did..well..what can i do? had to let go even thou i dun wan to wad..yeah..i know..my friends are all there to comfort me..but everyone said the same thing..say:"take it easy..."..how to take it so damn easy when i had put everything into it?
i've drop into the well and cannot see the light of the opening anymore..
after such a long suffering time...did managed to comfort and settle myself down la..
after this..CHEWJIAJUN is not the same anymore! he became
more emo,
more attitude,
more short-tempered,
more unreasonable,
more unaware of other people's feelings,
more 'cold-hearted',
more rebellious,
more noisy,
more vulgar,
more sad,
less happy,
less cheerful..

ok..stop thinking about this alr..i scared i reeli might be emo again..well..thanks philbert's mum for the drink just now..reeli cleared my mind of everything for awhile..hmm..alcohol reeli can make ur mind go blank..which i reeli wan it NOW NOW NOW..